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Is spending one-on-one time with each of your kids one of your biggest mom goals? I know it is for me. Because it’s important to carve out that special space where you can really connect with your kids. But even though I’d schedule it into my week, I found that I was rarely able to make one-on-one time with my kids happen.
Well, this year one of my big goals is to love people well and with joy. And I knew if I was going to do this well, I was going to have to start at home.
Even though I’m not proud of it, I’m definitely guilty of giving my time grudgingly, especially when I know there are so many things that need my attention all the time, and there never seems to be a break.
But over the past year or so, it’s become painfully clear to me that the things I’m spending my time on are often the ones that don’t matter in my big picture. Like -when I’m eighty will it matter that I spent the time to Marie Kondo fold my laundry? Probably not.
So I set out to start intentionally carving out time for my kids to really connect and get to know them again, especially since my oldest is growing into more of a young man than a little boy, and he’s starting to really discover what he’s passionate about and likes to do.
But like I said, I’ve always had a hard time making this happen.
I discovered that the problem was not in the idea itself, but in the execution.
Unbusy Your Mom Life!
Hey mama, I see you – hustling hard. Doing all.the.things. But mom life doesn’t have to be ruled by your to-do list. Let me show you how to Take Back Your Time with my FREE toolkit!
Keep It Simple
I was always trying to schedule these big, elaborate mommy dates. Like going out for lunch and ice cream then over to a favorite playground. But the truth is that I just don’t have the time to give each of my three boys half a day each and every week.
So I tried alternating weeks and having a focused saturday with each boy once a month. And that just didn’t work for us either.
So I decided to think about how this would look if I let it be easy. Because I’ve learned that so many of the problems in my life are a direct result of me overcomplicating things.
And that’s when our focused 15 minutes were born.
I started with my oldest because he’s the one least likely to come to me and initiate a heart to heart these days. And I asked him what he and I could do for the last 15 minutes before we go to bed that would allow us to catch up and spend a few minutes together.
He asked if we could just snuggle in my bed and watch a show. So that’s what we did, and after a week or so, our TV time turned more into a nightly chat. Which is what I was going for in the first place.
Now, some nights we still just snuggle and watch Star Wars, but it’s become a routine, and when there is something on his heart, he knows he as this space to share with me.
With my middle guy, our focused 15 looks more like me watching him play Mario Odyssey on the Nintendo Switch while he sits in my lap, and I rub his back and head. Again, sometimes he chooses to tell me alllll the things he’s been bursting say but when he doesn’t want to talk, I don’t make him.
My little guy on the other hand, is NEVER content with just 15 minutes. At almost three, he still thinks the world revolves around him. But our thing lately is reading together. And his favorite books are seek and finds that allow us to work together and interact.
Let Them Choose
The secret here is letting them choose. People will always feel more comfortable opening up when they’re doing something they love.
That’s not to say that there’s not a time and place for mom’s choice, but I’ve found that it really makes my kids feel loved and appreciated when I have enough respect for them to get down on their level and try to interact with the world the way they do. Even if that means building Mandalorian LEGO sets with a bazillion tiny pieces at the end of a long day!
15 Minutes Is A Great Starting Point
Now, the fifteen minute time limit isn’t set in stone, but I feel like it’s long enough to really be present without distractions, but short enough that my kids don’t feel like I’m stealing them away from their friends and all the things they’d rather be doing than spending time with their boring mom.
And it’s also easily extendable when you’re having fun and don’t have Baby Yoda’s ear finished yet.
But what I really love about the focused 15 minutes is that it allows me to connect with each of my kids on a daily basis rather than making them a to-do list item once a month. And it helps me keep up with what’s going on in their little minds and hearts, while allowing them to have an ongoing safe space to rest and share without having to wait until their turn with mommy.
The Short and Sweet
If spending one-on-one time with your kids is an area where you’ve been struggling to be consistent, or even get started, I’d encourage you to give a focused 15 minutes together a try.
Having focused time with each of my boys where I’m able to be fully present has truly been a gift to my motherhood. It’s helped me learn what makes each of them unique and interesting, and given me insight into how to reach them when they’re angry or upset.
I believe these special, relationship building moments are the things that really make mom life joyful and fulfilling, but they’re also the first things to go when we’re bogged down by busy and burdened lives. And that’s why I think a focused 15 minutes is a great place to start!
Resources we talked about in this episode…
Beginner’s Guide to Purposeful Motherhood
Freebie ALERT!
Unbusy Your Mom Life!
Hey mama, I see you – hustling hard. Doing all.the.things. But mom life doesn’t have to be ruled by your to-do list. Let me show you how to Take Back Your Time with my FREE toolkit!
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