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When we think about what to teach kids, it’s often academics that come first to our minds, knowing their education will pave the way for their future success. But we can become so focused on academics that we forget about the other areas where our children need training to be successful in life. One of the most important, and arguably most neglected, of these tools is virtue.
It seems like such an antiquated word, belonging to another century, and truly that’s how virtue is treated by many people these days. It’s seen as something from a bygone era. Not important enough to waste precious time on when there are so many other pressing issues.
But what would it feel like if you let go of the expectation to be Pinterest perfect, or checking off all the “should dos” that rarely work anyway, and began to feel empowered by getting to know your kids, and parenting them intuitively? Trusting in the time tested truths that built the heroes we read about and dream of becoming.
I want to share these ten virtues that we’ve decided to teach our kids. This may seem basic, and is by no means an exhaustive list, but sometimes we have to get back to basics to build a solid foundation as we embark upon the life long journey of molding and shaping your little ones into world changers.
1. Politeness and Manners
As a boy mom, chivalry is something I’ve spent a good deal of time thinking about, and I believe that a code of honor begins and ends with politeness and manners. All other virtues stem from the ability to humble yourself and treat others with respect. The easiest way to teach kids to do that is by impressing upon them the importance of manners.
In this generation of perpetual busyness it may seem wasteful to expend time and energy on extra words when a few terse sentences will do the job, but it takes very little effort to show politeness, and it speaks volumes about a person’s character.
When children are taught to say “thank you,” they learn to be grateful. When children are taught to say “please,” they learn they’re not entitled to whatever they want. When children are taught to say, “you’re welcome,” they learn the value of generosity.
2. Obedience
I believe strongly in building your child up, not tearing them down, but I think there’s a misconception in parenting today that training your child in obedience will break their spirit.
You can teach kids to listen to your commands without ruling over them in fear. You can teach kids to obey your rules without taking away the freedom to explore their world. You can instill a healthy, reverential fear of God without teaching condemnation.
Obedience will actually help your kids embrace their calling and find security in life. A child who understands that your rules are for their safety and well being will be more likely to venture out into the unknown and take big chances, because they know your love will always be there to catch them when they fall.
Ultimately, we teach kids obedience so they will grow up willing and able to submit to God. One of the best things we can do for them is set an example of excellence in this area. As our children see the fruits of our own obedience, they’ll be more willing to submit their own hearts.
Speak Truth Into The Lives Of Your Littles
Your words matter! These affirmations will help you build up and encourage your child.
3. Patience
We live a fast paced world that thrives on instant gratification and the power of now. Whether it’s fast food or fast cars, we don’t want to wait for anything.
There’s a lot to be learned from simply sitting still and waiting. You learn that anything worth having is worth waiting for. You learn that letting someone go first is an act of selfless kindness. You learn that sometimes the value of something is found in how hard you had to work for it.
It’s so much easier to tell your kids, “I’ll do it for you,” but by exercising your own patience, you’re letting your kids learn independence, and that’s a priceless gift.
4. & 5. Kindness and Respect
It costs us nothing to show kindness, and what we gain in return is respect. These days respect seems to be something we all expect to receive, yet we rarely give to others.
While respect and kindness are two different things, they go hand in hand. Respect can only be earned through kindness; otherwise all you’ll earn is fear.
Saying “sir” and “ma’am” to people who are older shows deference and respect. Giving thanks and a smile to the person in a drive through window shows that you appreciate their hard work. Stopping to help someone in need shows that you aren’t too busy or self important to humble yourself and serve.
I want my boys to understand that simple acts of kindness are what make everyday heroes.
6. Gratitude
We’re part of a generation that’s plagued by entitlement. Our kids are surrounded by toys, and we buy them a bazillion gifts for every occasion, so they learn expectation rather than gratefulness.
I don’t think we’ve done this on purpose. We believe we’re showing love by giving, but there’s a fine line between generosity and indulgence, and it’s actually the opposite of loving when you set your kids up for failure by devaluing hard work and entertaining entitlement.
The only way to find true satisfaction in life is by learning to be grateful for what you already have. Because there will always be something that’s just out of reach. I don’t want my kids always waiting for the elusive someday and forgetting that life is happening right now.
Speak Truth Into The Lives Of Your Littles
Your words matter! These affirmations will help you build up and encourage your child.
7. Honesty
Your whole life can be affected by the repercussions of lies. If you aren’t trustworthy you’ll lose friends, lose respect, and people won’t want to do business with you.
Unfortunately, as parents, we sometimes inadvertently foster lying in our children by punishing them when they tell the truth. I don’t have the perfect answer on avoiding this; it’s a work in progress in our home, but I can tell you we praise honesty and stress its importance.
When our boys misbehave, they know that if they tell the truth and own up to their mistake, they’ll have to face a natural consequence for their wrong action. But if they lie, not only will they not receive grace in their consequence, they’ll have to accept an additional consequence for the lie.
For example: if my son dumps out all the toys in the playroom and owns up to it, he knows he’ll have to clean them up. He may even get some help for being honest. However, if he lies, not only will he clean up by himself, he’ll get a timeout in his room afterward.
A man is only as good as his word, so I hope to raise boys who appreciate the value of honesty.
8. & 9. Purity and Holiness
This is a controversial area for many people. We live in a generation that tries to make the Bible fit our lives rather than conforming our lives to the standards of the Bible.
Since my boys are still young, purity mostly comes in the form of closely monitoring what I allow them to watch and read, as well as making sure their words build others up rather than tear them down.
“For the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.”
matthew 12:34b
You can’t shelter your kids from everything, but I believe in exposing my kids to the world at an age appropriate level. Then talking to them about what I believe is right, and why.
A good example is language: even children’s shows and movies have words like “stupid” and “idiot,” so we discuss the difference between kind words and nasty words.
Two good resources for monitoring what your kids watch are:
The first explores different aspects of a movie through a Christian lens, and the second is a secular resource that gives the movies a suggested age rating as well as an overview of content.
As far a holiness goes, I think this is best taught by example. What we take in is what pours out of us, so if we want to raise families that honor the Lord, we need to first honor Him in our own lives.
10. Love
We live a world where people rarely take the time to notice one another, much less treat them with kindness or respect, yet we go out of our way to recycle. It’s backwards. Not that taking care of the Earth isn’t important. God calls us to be good stewards of everything He’s entrusted to us, including this world, but we’re called first to love.
When asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus answered;
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.””
Mark 12:30-31
Love is at the core of a virtuous life. You must love God enough to become obedient to his Word and His calling in your life. You must love yourself enough to treat your body as the temple it is. And you must love your brother enough to treat him with the kindness and respect he deserves.
When I think about the legacy I want to leave my children, it always comes back to love. I want them to know I loved them fiercely. That I loved their father enough to stick with him through the good times and the bad. That I loved God and spent my life trying to honor His calling.
I also want them to know how to love. To love learning and having fun. To love good food and the outdoors. To love their family, their friends, and God.
Social media and the overflow of information that we’re bombarded with everyday makes it hard to trust that we’re doing anything right. But you were created to be the perfect parent for child. Sure, we all mess up, but that’s what grace is for.
Each and every one of us has the power to make a difference when we’re equipped with the right tools. They only get one chance at childhood, so don’t forget to equip them with everything they need to have an empowered childhood.
Teach them that their words are powerful too!
Speak Truth Into The Lives Of Your Littles
Your words matter! These affirmations will help you build up and encourage your child.
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