Redefining Progress Over Perfection: Stop Striving & Choose A Life of Grit and Grace

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We’ve all heard a well meaning friends, say something like “Don’t worry about getting it exactly right. It’s okay to choose progress over perfection,” but what does it really mean? And how can we live it out IRL?

I think it starts by reframing the way we think of progress, and learning how to give ourselves grace when setbacks keep us from achieving our goals. But before we get into this whole conversation, I want to start by saying that not all perfectionism is bad.

There’s nothing wrong with having a drive to succeed, or even wanting to do the things you’re passionate about well. 

Perfectionism becomes a problem when it begins to control you. Instead of driving you to do your best work, it paralyzes you and keeps you from doing anything because you’re so afraid of failing that it’s easier to not even try at all. Or you fall into productive procrastination, doing the same thing over and over again until it’s juuuust right, which is never. Because the standards you’ve set are so high, even you can’t reach them

There was actually a time in my life when my perfectionistic tendencies saved me. 

My Perfectionism Story

During my teenage years, when my parents were battling addiction, it was my perfectionistic drive to succeed that kept me motivated to change my story when I knew the chances of becoming just another statistic. 

I’ll be honest with you, I had friends and family who didn’t make it out. Who, to this day, are stuck in the cycle of addiction, and it breaks my heart. I’ve felt guilty, wondering if I left them behind. If there was anything else I could have done. But we all have to write our own stories, and I chose a different path.

It was harder than you can imagine to make that choice, but just because our choices are hard, doesn’t mean we don’t have to make them. I had to choose my hard, and I chose the path that led to life. It’s narrow and sometimes lonely, but it’s made all the difference.

I moved out of my parent’s house at sixteen to take care of my grammy who was sick. Then after graduation, I got a full-time job as an assistant teacher at a private school and took college classes at night. 

I pushed harder and harder, leaving all the trappings of my childhood behind me. And for a while, it was freeing. I was on my own and nothing and no one could hold me back. 

But over the years, my perfectionism began to define me. It started to cost me as much as it had given me. 

I became paralyzed as I realized that while I could succeed at all the tangible things like an education and career, I wasn’t any good at the things that really mattered. At least, that’s how it felt. Like all the hard work I’d put in was wasted because when I failed at being a wife and mother, everyone would know the truth – that I wasn’t good enough.

You see, despite my driving perfectionism, I knew – really knew, deep down in my bones, that I was a mess. It had all been for show.

I thought I could build a wall between my old life and my new one and nothing from one side could reach the other. But life doesn’t work that way.

We’re made up of a beautiful mosaic of perfectly imperfect pieces that weave together to form an exquisite picture of a life well-lived. Only my perfectionism wouldn’t allow me to see the beauty in the brokenness. I only saw shame and guilt.

What was wrong with me? 

I did the only thing left to do. I surrendered it all. 

I came to faith as a teenager, and it brought me hope as I navigated my difficult circumstances, but it was motherhood that brought me to my knees. 

I was exhausted, and honestly I was tired of striving only to come up short again and again. But I think that’s why the Gospel message was so beautiful to me. I didn’t have to work my way to Jesus. He loved me regardless of what I accomplished. I didn’t have to do anything to earn his love or approval.

Ironically, it was through this healing process, of learning to become a mother who both gave and received grace, that I healed my relationship with my own mom. I’d forgiven her long ago, when she was going through recovery, but it was during this time, when I was able to admit my own shortcomings and ask for her help, that we really began to build bridges. 

So now I consider myself a recovering perfectionist. Because I’ve learned that it’s not something I’ll ever be free from, but I’m doing the inner work that allows me to be okay with growing slow. To embrace the idea that I’m either winning or I’m learning because failure is really only a stepping stone to success. And I’m redefining the way I see progress so that I can enjoy the journey as much as arriving at the destination.

I know it sounds super corny, but I promise it’s made a difference. 

And today, I want to help you do the same. It’s one thing to hear someone say “progress over perfection” or “done is better than perfect,” but it’s a whole other process to actually learn how to embrace small steps that add up to big results, especially when you’re used to success coming easy, or you measure your worth by your accomplishments. 

Redefining Progress

It’s so easy to get caught in the trap of measuring progress by checkmarks and line items without considering the experience and knowledge you’ve gained simply by taking the next step and moving forward. Even when that step doesn’t bring you any closer to the finish line. 

Think about a garden, and how sometimes a plant has to be pruned in order to grow bigger and stronger. Sometimes it even has to be dug up and moved in order to thrive.

That’s how life works sometimes too. Just because your path looks different than you thought it would when you began, doesn’t mean you haven’t made progress on your journey. 

And in addition to redefining progress, I think we also need to learn how to let go of unrealistic timelines. 

A few years ago, I learned the danger in setting time specific goals. 

Don’t get me wrong, I know the importance of a deadline, and the tendency to procrastinate when I don’t have one, but I also know that the only person I’m accountable to is God, and my timetable doesn’t always match His.

Instead, I’ve learned to plan and create action-steps with a target date for completion, but to leave room for a goal to change and give myself grace when things take longer than I expected they would. 

My favorite goal planner is Lara Casey’s Powersheets, and it’s her process that has really helped me embrace small goals that grow big over time.

Stop Procrastinating And Making Excuses

Procrastination is the Achilles heel of the perfectionist. The hidden weakness that keeps us from actually reaching the goals that matter. 

Usually the more something means to us, the more we procrastinate. It seems super backwards when you think about it, but the fear of failure is real, and sometimes it feels easier not to try at all than it does to try and fail. 

If you really want to embrace progress over perfection you’re going to have to stop making excuses to hide and really put yourself out there. It’s hard to be vulnerable, but it’s in that space between comfort and oh-my-goodness-I-might-pee-my-pants that we really shine. 

Vulnerability Is A Strength, Not A Weakness

Failure is the ultimate fear for a perfectionist, and vulnerability can be like cracking open your insides and letting everyone see all the messy, broken pieces that you’ve worked so hard to hide. 

But at the same time, perfectionism is all about being seen. Because our performance is the standard by which we assume our worthiness is measured.

Really it’s the ultimate contradiction.

So a major step to embracing progress over perfection is to accept that being vulnerable is how we find freedom. 

I know it’s scary and uncomfortable, and it takes time to build the kind of trust that allows for this kind of communication, but it’s worth putting in the effort to really be seen and to see someone else in return. Because you’re so much more than your accomplishments. And when you take off your cape, you’ll finally realize that you don’t have to be superwoman to be worthy of love and acceptance. 

An added bonus is that when you stop trying to do it all and do it perfectly, you just might find that you allow someone else to experience the blessing of serving you. There’s no guilt or shame in stepping out of the spotlight to allow someone you love to shine!

Tell Yourself A New Story

I hope you’re starting to feel like progress over perfection is less of a mantra and more of a mindset shift that allows you to embrace bold, beautiful courage rather than letting fear hold you back from creating a life you love. 

That’s why this final step is so important. Because at the end of the day, it’s the stories we tell ourselves that define the progress we make. 

I’m a firm believer in life-giving, Gospel based affirmations. Because it’s so easy to fall into the trap of believing lies about who you are rather than embracing the truth of whose you are. 

That’s why the Gospel message is so life-giving. You can’t earn your salvation, so the maker of heaven and earth wrapped himself in flesh and came down to you. 

You matter that much. 

You can’t earn that kind of love. So rest easy knowing that you were created with a purpose, and no one expects you to get it right the first time, so it’s time to stop living in condemnation for simply being human.

There are a lot of resources out there that can help you get started with affirmations, but my very favorite is Truthfilled by Ruth Chou Simons.

The Short And Sweet

Really and truly, at its core, perfectionism is the thief of joy and contentment. It will always keep you striving for more, never letting you rest in the peace of a life well lived. 

And that was never how we were meant to live.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

JOhn 10:10

Learning to seek progress over perfection will help you step into your inheritance of a full, abundant life. But you’ll never be able to embrace that promise if you let perfectionism keep from stepping forward with courage into the life you were created for. 

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Resources we talked about in this episode…

Powersheets Goal Planner by Lara Casey & Cultivate What Matters

Truthfilled by Ruth Chou Simons

Affirmations for Motherhood

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