Do You Have The Courage To Give Up Your Old Life For A New One?

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[0:52] People are always talking about all the ways they’re going to change their lives. New diet. New goal planner. New job. But can I let you in on a little secret? There is only one surefire way to change your life. You have to own it.

The good. The bad. The areas of growth along with the areas where you struggle. 

Let me start by making a little confession – this was not always easy for me. 

Growing up, I was the oldest child, so I was probably already predisposed to want to succeed. But growing up in a home where my parents were battling addiction, drove me further into perfectionism as I did everything in my power to change my life. 

I was determined not to become a statistic. No matter what it took, I was going to thrive. 

So I did. 

Even after my parents recovered in my early twenties, and we healed our relationships. I was too far down the path to fierce independence to change my path. 

Maybe your story started differently than mine, but I know so many moms who’ve landed exactly where I’d found myself. Self-sufficient and sure that all the problems in their motherhood, marriage, work, and friendships MUST be someone else’s issues because they certainly weren’t mine. 

However, in true type A fashion, I was sure I could fix them! So I started reading parenting books, hoping to “fix” my kids. And looked into marriage retreats, sure that hearing other couples testimonies would “fix” my husband. 

But in the end, my precious books failed me (honestly, I didn’t even know that was possible!), and the marriage conference revealed that it took two to make a mess of a relationship. 

So, I did the next obvious thing. Sunk into the depths of despair wondering what in the world was wrong with me.I’d worked my whole life to avoid failing at anything only to discover that I was failing at everything that mattered!

The truth was that no matter how hard I tried to keep moving forward, I couldn’t leave the scars of my past behind me. I could excel in my education and career, but I really didn’t have the foundations I needed to be a successful wife and mother.

And it was time for me to own it.

Over the years, I’ve come to learn that it’s so easy to want a “new life,” but it’s actually very hard to make changes stick. Sometimes it’s easier to keep living in chaos than to do the hard work it takes to change your life. 

So you stay stuck. And feel like a failure. And the cycle continues. 

Hear me on this, sweet friend – no matter how many times you’ve tried and missed the mark: you are not a failure. You’re either winning or you’re learning. The only way you fail is if you refuse to learn from your mistakes. Because when you know better, you do better. Even if you don’t succeed. You’re better each and every time you get up and try again. 

But maybe you’re thinking that’s all well and good, and you’re ready to change your life, but you don’t where to start. Today I’m going to walk you through three super basic first steps to help you shift your mindset, and start creating a life you love.

Don’t be fooled. Just because they seem simple, there’s nothing easy about it. But I promise that if you do the work, you’ll be able to find the courage to give up your old life for a new one.

[5:04] Tell Yourself A New Story

The first thing I want you to know is that who you are today, right now in the middle of your mess, is beautiful, and if you can’t love who you are today, you’ll never love who you become – no matter where you end up. 

People always talk about “the new me,” but the essentials remain the same. A new body doesn’t guarantee you less insecurity and body shame. More money doesn’t guarantee you more abundance if you’re stuck living in scarcity. Less mess doesn’t bring you more peace if you self-sabotage your happiness because you’re a mess on the inside. 

Real change – lasting change – starts with heart transformation. And the only way I’ve found to do that is through surrendering all your broken pieces to the God who specializes in bringing dead things back to life. 

Before you can move forward, you have to become anchored in the truth of who you already are, and learn to speak that truth to your heart in every season.

Sometimes this means seeking help to heal from past hurts. Sometimes it means telling yourself a new story of grace, forgiveness, and unconditional love. And sometimes it means giving yourself permission to rest, get quiet, and create the space you need to discover who you really are and want to be, rather than listening to all the voices telling you who they think you should be.

Here’s the thing about truth – it doesn’t change based on your circumstances or performance.

It’s kind of like when you’re in the ocean, playing in the waves with your family. You’re being swept downshore so slowly that you usually don’t even notice until you look up and spot your umbrella a quarter mile down the beach. 

That umbrella is like the truth. It’s still right where it was meant to be. You’re the one who drifted. And you have to make your way back in order to realign yourself. 

Here’s what I know: 

You are loved – fully known and unconditionally lavished in the steadfast love of God. Even if you aren’t sure of anyone or anything else. That umbrella is unmoving. Can’t be changed. 

You are valuable – more precious than rubies and created for a purpose that is so much greater than anything you could have dreamed up or imagined. 

You are meant to have a life of abundance. Not someday when things feel lighter. That’s a promise for every day. Not just the easy ones. 

Can you see how it could take more courage to plant these truths in your heart today, before you change a single thing, than it would to move forward without facing the girl in the mirror?

Easier, yes. But better? Not a chance. 

My very favorite resource for learning to tell yourself a new story is Truthfilled by Ruth Chou Simons as well as my free printable Affirmations for Moms.

[7:53] Number Your Days

Once you do the inner work, and you’re ready to start moving forward, the very first step is to begin living with the end in mind. 

Start thinking about the legacy you want to leave behind you when you’re 80. What do you want to be remembered for? What will have mattered and what won’t?

I can promise you that you will never, ever make lasting change if you’re doing it because you think it’s something you should be doing.

Can you see yourself gathering your courage to purge and declutter your entire house because someone said you should? Probably not, right?

But what if you decided to purge and declutter your entire house because you desperately wanted to dig out from under the mess you made, so you can stop cleaning up after your life and start living it? 

There’s a totally different energy to keep you motivated while you do the work. Because it has to matter to you and your big picture.

That’s why no one else can ever tell you your next right step. Because everyone’s path to purpose is uniquely their own. 

This is way too big to get into here, but if you’re ready to take action on creating goals that will help you make small steps that add up to big change in your life, my favorite tool is Lara Casey’s Powersheets.

[9:06] It’s Not All Or Nothing

It’s so easy to give up when things are hard, or something you thought you’d figured out changes, and you have to come up with a new plan. 

But each season has its purpose and is necessary for your growth. Even the ones where you feel like you’re walking backwards.

These are the times when you have to remember that you’re either winning or you’re learning. Live into your season, and ask God what He wants you to learn, so when the time comes, you can move forward with grace and, hopefully, a little more wisdom. 

I promise you, the growing pains are worth it!

[9:40] Own your life.

Think about this for a minute… what would happen if you treated every difficulty in your life as if you were the issue.

I know, I know. My first reaction to that question was push back too. But if you can take a step back and look at things objectively, you’ll see the wisdom here. 

It’s possible that no matter what you do, your circumstances, your husband, your kids will never change. You have no control over anyone but you. So what then? 

Do you have the courage to consider the possibility that you’re a part of the problem? That if you own your part and take steps to making change happen, all those other circumstances and relationships might improve. Even if nothing and no one else improves at all. 

It’s a novel idea, right?

That you don’t need to fix anyone but you. Freeing even. Knowing it’s out of your control and ultimately, not your problem. 

It allows you to stay in your lane and begin truly taking action on the things that move the needle. 

Things like self-care and simplicity. Loving others well from a place of abundance rather than seeking validation. And really and truly embracing rest and renewal so you can chase hard after a life that lights your soul on fire. 

When transformation begins to take hold, first in your heart, and then in your actions, the people around you won’t be able to ignore it. And it will touch them. 

[11:06] The Short And Sweet

You’re never stuck in your life. It takes courage to leave your old life behind for a new one, but you, and only you, have the power to change your life.

You were created for a purpose, and when you step out of overwhelm and excuses, you’ll be able to own the life you’ve been looking for all along.

I want to end today with a favorite Bible verse:

“Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” 

isaiah 43:19

Can you see it, sweet friend? Your time has come.

I clung to this verse in the middle of my own wilderness. The promise that I wouldn’t be a barren wasteland forever. Oh, no – my God makes streams in the desert. Full of life-giving water. 

All you have to do is be brave enough to step forward into the beautiful unknown! 

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Resources we talked about in this episode…

Powersheets Goal Planner by Lara Casey & Cultivate What Matters

Truthfilled by Ruth Chou Simons

Affirmations For Motherhood

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