How Stories Helped Me Let Go of Fear and Doubt So I Could Embrace My Best Life

Everyone has a story to tell. In fact, most of us have many. Every day – every moment – we’re writing the narrative of our lives. But have you ever considered that the story you’re telling yourself has the power to decide whether or not you’re living your best life?

Words are powerful. They can give life and encourage, but they can also tear down and condemn. True freedom is found when you can embrace the hard chapters of your story by giving yourself the grace to learn from difficult circumstances without condemning yourself for experiences you see as failures.

Some people are born storytellers and the right words come easily to them. They can make you rejoice in their triumphs, laugh at their follies, and cry with their heartache. They move forward, never looking back, eager to write the next scene.

But for most of us, it’s not a natural gift to accept the pain with the pleasure. To understand in the moment that each trial is a stepping stone to the next victory. We try to bury the ugliness that taints our pages behind false smiles and forced laughter, and instead of persevering through the hard stuff, we shut our book and become paralyzed by the fear of failure.

I am one of the latter. A girl with a less than ideal childhood who nevertheless believed in the strength found in telling stories. And for a long time, I thought that if I stuck to writing fiction, I could skip over the hard parts and focus on the happy ending.

But I quickly learned that there’s no such thing as pure fiction. Every book, whether fantasy or memoir, is saturated with pieces of the author’s life. Good writing is always a product of reality in some form or another.

As I sought to become an author, I had to learn to embrace my fears, doubts, and insecurities, and in the process I discovered that there really are no failures – you’re either winning or you’re learning. So, deleted sentence after deleted sentence, I became a writer.

And season after season, mistake after mistake, I have finally learned that my best life is built upon the successes that wouldn’t have existed without hardship and abounding grace.

“One must always be careful of books… and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us.”

cassandra clare, clockwork angel

Because words have the power to change us, I want to share these four truths that have shaped my life with you. I sincerely hope they’ll help you walk through the winter seasons of your story with grace and step into the fruitful seasons with gratitude and a full heart.

1. No single event defines who you are or who you’ll become.

“I must be taken as I have been made. The success is not mine, the failure is not mine but the two things together make me.” 

Charles Dickens, great expectations

Just as one snapshot can’t capture an entire event, neither are you defined by any single moment in your life.

When you look at life as a complete story, it’s easier to see the chapters that make up the whole book. Some chapters, like your childhood, have reached their ending while the final scenes have yet to come. Still, each chapter leaves its mark on the finished work.

Some of us look in the mirror and only see the scars we carry. We don’t see the healing that’s taken place or even the laugh lines that years of happiness have etched on our skin. We also don’t always consider the fact that there are many pages still waiting to be written – our story isn’t over yet.

Don’t get so hung up on a single chapter that it keeps you from finishing the book. You can’t tear out the pages of your past, but you don’t have to let them define you either. Sometimes our greatest triumphs are born from simply moving forward when it feels impossible to take one more step.

2. There’s power in the chapter break.

“I need one of those chapter breaks. I just want to catch my breath, but I have no idea how.” 

Colleen Hoover, Hopeless

Sometimes life can be too much. We all have winter seasons of the heart when things feel too heavy. Hopeless even. It’s in those times that we need to simply pause, be still, and catch our breath.

Not every season is a time to push and persevere. There are times when all we can really do is rest. Surrender it all to God. And remind ourselves of who He is and who we are in Him.

I think of crocuses, rooting themselves firmly in life-giving soil in the dark, hard ground of winter. Then suddenly, when you think spring will never come, they poke their heads through the last winter’s snow and bloom so beautifully.

That’s what a chapter break is for. It’s a time to sow roots and gather the strength to bloom when we’re finally ready to turn the page.

3. Words have the power to change you.

“My world exploded…because of a word. A word that worked its way out of my throat and danced onto and out of my lips before I could think about it, or stop it.” 

Lauren oliver, delirium

Every story I’ve ever read has changed me. Every word I’ve ever written has changed me. And every word we speak or think changes us.

Because the story you tell yourself is who you become.

Too often the words we take in are those of criticism and failure, so what pours out of us is a spirit of unworthiness. You have to make the choice every day – many times a day – to fill yourself with truth and begin untangling the lies. 

Every morning I begin my day with Bible study & prayer, and I end my day with gratitude & speaking truth to my heart.

For a long time I resisted adding affirmation to my daily routine, thinking it was silly and, honestly, a little uncomfortable. Because when you feel unworthy, it’s awkward to tell yourself that you are. But I began to understand that my words reflected the condition of my heart, and the only way to change how my narrative played out was to change the words that were written there.

Because I believe every blessing comes from God and his faithfulness, I prefer to speak truth over my life in the form of Biblical promise. And the best resource I’ve found for learning how to do this is Truthfilled – The Practice of Preaching to Yourself in Every Season by Ruth Chou Simons. It’s a beautiful book about the seasons of our heart and what we need to tell ourselves through each one.

4. You can’t separate the yourself from your story.

“There is truth in stories… Fiction is truth, even if it is not a fact. If you believe only in facts and forget stories, your brain will live, but your heart will die.” 

Cassandra Clare, Lord of Shadows

There’s truth in fiction. Every story comes from somewhere inside its author. And though I’ve spent years writing the lives of fictional characters, their pages are saturated with my story. 

You can’t separate yourself from the things that have made you who you are. They leave their mark on everything you touch. Whether it’s a book you’re writing, the way you decorate your house, or the way you raise your kids. 

I think sometimes we try to compartmentalize different aspects of our lives, hoping to keep them from affecting each other, but try as you might your work life spills into your mom life, your past spills into your present, and your marriage spills into your parenting. Because these aren’t different books we’re writing. They’re chapters that make up the whole, each one building upon the next.

What’s important is that we learn from where we’ve been. That we remember to savor the moments that make life a little sweeter. And that we don’t overlook the beauty in a blank page. 

Fill your days with people who breathe life into your story. Fill your home with things that make your stage beautiful. And fill your heart with the words you want to be remembered by. 

The most beautiful thing about being the author of your story is that you get to choose the legacy you leave behind in its pages.

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Your words matter. Tell yourself a new story!

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